


i'm right here (look at me)

by almnd_mlk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Choking, Dirty Talk, Face-Fucking, Facials, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Hinata Natsu, Mentioned Miya Osamu, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Hinata Shouyou, brief last kagehina, is that a trope? idk, mentioned Kita Shinsuke, national team goes to karaoke and Shouyou confesses to Atsumu through song, not a song fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:28:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almnd_mlk/pseuds/almnd_mlk
Summary: Maybe it says something about how completely and utterly in love Shouyou is, that he finds Atsumu beautiful, even when he’s talking about someone else.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Past Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu - Relationship
Comments: 29
Kudos: 114





	i'm right here (look at me)

**Author's Note:**

> bonjour mon ami, i'm here with an atushina fic with an emphasis on pining!shouyou because I didn't think there was enough of that.
> 
> this work was briefly beta'd by [vnreqvitxd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vnreqvitxd/pseuds/vnreqvitxd).
> 
> please go check out her work, she's a great writer and overall amazing person <3
> 
> fyi:  
> me dê isto —> give it to me  
> eu sou o sortudo —> i’m the lucky one  
> meu amor —> my love 
> 
> I hope you enjoy

Practice with the Japanese men’s national volleyball team is just wrapping up when Bokuto gets it into his head that they all need to bond more. Shouyou is grabbing his water bottle from the bench when he announces that they should go to karaoke to wind down. 

He’s met with varying reactions. Sakusa pulls the face he always does when someone suggests something he deems idiotic. Yaku, Aran, and Iwaizumi look to be contemplating if putting up with the energetic— chaotic, annoying— team after practice hours would be worth it. Suna and Kageyama look completely indifferent. Ushijima is already walking away to the locker rooms while Hoshiumi and Atsumu look excited. 

And Shouyou… well if Atsumu is going, who is Shouyou to refuse? 

Shouyou has a great relationship with Atsumu, the two years he’s spent with the Black Jackals have been some of the best of his life. Everyone Shouyou plays with is more or less obsessed with volleyball, they have to be, to make a career out of it. Atsumu though... there are times Atsumu’s hunger burns brighter than anyone’s. Shouyou is enamoured by that fire, the unrelenting desire for _more_. 

He would have said something to Atsumu. Confessed or at least asked him on a date but every time the urge arises, he’s reminded of a simple truth. Atsumu is still hung up on Kita Shinsuke.

It’s funny because Shouyou dated and slept around but he didn’t fall in love, not the way people expected him to. So imagine his surprise when, seemingly out of nowhere, he was hit with the desire to feel the weight of Atsumu’s hand in his for the rest of their lives. 

Shouyou wears his heart on his sleeve and gives his all into anything he does, much like Atsumu. The difference was that Shouyou fell in love with concepts while Atsumu fell in love with people.

For a long time, Shouyou thought he wasn’t capable of loving someone romantically. He thrived off of platonic love but romance seemed to elude him. There’s a reason none of his relationships worked out. 

Back in high school, before he understood himself, he had a brief… tryst, with Kageyama. He had admired the other for so long, chasing after his back, desperately trying to keep up. His appreciation for Kageyama’s skill on the court and the fact that they were best friends was what ultimately pushed him into accepting Kageyama’s confession in their third year. 

It was fine at first. They shared smiles while walking home and kissed when the club room was empty. Shouyou was content with that for a while, his adulation was a good substitute for proclamations of love. 

It was a good substitute until Kageyama told him he loved him and Shouyou felt like he was lying when saying it back.

Eventually, in a desperate attempt to understand his own feelings, he asked Kageyama what exactly he meant when he said ‘I love you’. He indulged Shouyou and waxed poetic for a good five minutes. The longer the speech went on, the more confused Shouyou got.

Kageyama didn’t talk about the way Shouyou played volleyball, no he talked about Shouyou’s smile and his laugh and the way he mumbles in his sleep. Kageyama talked about how holding Shouyou’s hand made his heart beat faster and Shouyou could only stare. 

When Kageyama tossed the question back at him, he wasn’t sure what to say. Praising Kageyama’s abilities in volleyball seemed like the wrong way to go so Shouyou repeated his speech back to him. 

This pattern continued until Kageyama eventually caught on and, predictably, things didn’t end well. Shouyou tried to defend himself but some time during their screaming match, something like understanding flashed in Kageyama’s eyes and they broke up. 

Their relationship was unsurprisingly strained for a couple years after that. It was only when Shouyou confessed to missing him, halfway through his second year in Brazil, that Kageyama started talking to him again. 

They rebuilt their friendship but not all stains can be washed away. His relationships after Kageyama ended similarly and he hadn’t understood why until a couple months into joining the Jackals. 

It took him realizing his feelings for Atsumu to understand that the state of his dating life was because he never loved his partners the way they loved him. 

He could reciprocate actions and words well enough but sooner or later, his partners realized he never initiated. They realized his words were hollow and his touches were cold. 

Love was a two-way street and he was walking alone. People loved him while he tried to convince himself he loved them back. The one time he felt genuine attraction, they didn’t feel the same. 

While Atsumu watched the back of an ex-boyfriend that passed him by, Shouyou watched Atsumu. 

It’s pathetic really.

* * *

Shouyou is packing up his stuff in the locker room when Atsumu comes in. The ones who want to go to karaoke are waiting outside and those who didn’t have gone home. It was just Sakusa and Shouyou left. 

“Hey Shouyou-kun, yer comin’ ta karaoke right?” 

Shouyou looks up and is met with the full force of Atsumu’s smile post practice. His golden blonde hair still damp from a shower, dark red shirt tight across his chest and broad shoulders, ripped black skinny jeans practically painted onto his thighs— one stretch away from tearing at the seams. 

_I want to lick his biceps._

It should be illegal to look that good. If only because Shouyou’s heart (and his dick) can’t handle it.

Pushing aside his gay panic, Shouyou sends Atsumu a grin of his own. 

“Yeah, Atsumu-san just give me a second to grab my stuff and convince Omi-san to come with us.” 

Atsumu turns his head to the other end of the room as if only now noticing Sakusa standing there. 

“Oh, hey Omi-Omi, didn’t see ya there.” 

Sakusa rolls his eyes. 

Atsumu, for his part, only laughs. “Alright, I’ll wait for ya outside.” After shooting them both a lazy grin, he walks out, giving Shouyou some reprieve. 

Honestly, Atsumu’s perpetual bedroom eyes and easy smirks are going to cause Shouyou’s brain to hemorrhage. 

“Hinata, at this point you should just get ‘Miya Atsumu’ tattooed in a heart on your forehead.” 

Shouyou jumps in his skin and whirls around to face Sakusa. He looks utterly unimpressed. 

“Honestly, even that would be less obvious than your pining.” 

_Okay, ouch._

A denial is on the tip of his tongue but with the look, Sakusa is giving him, he knows it’s futile. So Shouyou sighs and turns back to his stuff. He thought that would be the end of it but Sakusa apparently has more to say. 

“Are you ever going to tell him?” He asked the question but already looks bored with the discussion. Leave it to Sakusa Kiyoomi to be tired of a conversation he started.

“You know it's not that easy Omi-san,” Shouyou says while picking up his bag. 

And Sakusa does know. Regardless of what he might say, Sakusa is one of Atsumu’s best friends and he knows full well what the man feels for Kita. Despite his insight into the situation, he seems determined to make Shouyou confess. Shouyou has long since stopped trying to figure out why. 

He has resigned himself to loving Atsumu from a distance. If two years on the same team, seeing each other every day, isn’t enough, then there’s not much else to do.

“It might not be easy but at least you’re doing something other than waiting. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll still be friends.” 

Perfectly sound reasoning, but Shouyou knows that if something went wrong he won’t be able to handle it. Atsumu is too important to him.

Shouyou lets out a slow exhale and prepares himself to give a speech about not wanting to make things awkward when Sakusa cuts in again. Shouyou is pleasantly surprised, he rarely talks this much. Although it would’ve been nicer if the topic wasn’t Shouyou’s miserable pinning. 

“Sing something for him,” Sakusa suggests. 

That is not what he was expecting.

“Sing something?” 

Slinging his bag over his shoulder and making to leave the locker room, Sakusa answers, “At karaoke, you should sing something for him to make him realize.” 

Shouyou thinks it over and is just about to veto the idea when Sakusa says, “If you do, I’ll come with you guys.” 

Damn Kiyoomi and his manipulative nature. Shouyou still doesn’t understand _why_ Sakusa is so invested in this but he knows there’s no point in questioning it. So, instead of trying to weasel his way out of it, he agrees. There’s a solid chance Atsumu won’t even realize what Shouyou is trying to say. 

“Alright, you win. Do you have a song in mind?” 

Sakusa looks thoughtful for a moment before shrugging. “No, nothing, in particular but I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I’ve heard you singing in the locker room, you’ll be fine.” 

Shouyou stops dead in his tracks, Sakusa stops with him. Shouyou and Sakusa are frequently the first ones to arrive at practice and the last ones to leave. Sakusa is meticulous so he takes longer getting ready before and after practice. Shouyou just likes taking his time, which means he spends more time in the showers than his teammates. On the occasions that he sang while washing up, he was sure that no one was left in the locker room. Every time he came out on those days, Sakusa would be gone. Shouyou naively assumed no had heard him. 

“Omi-san?! Why are you just mentioning this now?! That’s so embarrassing!” Shouyou whines, feeling slightly mortified. 

Sakusa’s eyes shine with mirth. “It would be embarrassing if you were bad, but you’re not so it’s actually kind of nice.” 

Shouyou needs a second to process what just happened.

Sakusa Kiyoomi doesn’t _do_ compliments. 

By the time he looks up Sakusa is already walking away and Shouyou scrambles to catch up with him. 

“Omi-san, did I hear that right? Am I dead?” 

Sakusa rolls his eyes and picks up his pace, though not before muttering, “Shut up.” 

Shouyou laughs and follows him. 

“Omi-san~”

* * *

The karaoke bar Bokuto had picked out isn’t too far from their training facility so they decided to walk. It was a good way to relax their muscles after practice anyway. Which would be nice if Shouyou hadn’t lost the ability to relax since his conversation with Sakusa. 

The volleyball gods hate Hinata Shouyou and the entire monster generation is heading straight towards his early demise. 

Atsumu, the cute oblivious fool that he is, is engaged in a heated debate with Hoshiumi on which onigiri filling is the most nourishing. Really, it looks like they’re discussing battle strategies in the middle of a war. It’s adorable and Shouyou is so fucked. 

Apparently, he’s as transparent as glass because Suna, Aran, and Iwaizumi are all shooting him knowing glances. Yaku’s too busy pretending he doesn’t know them.

Now Shouyou isn’t religious, but at this moment he tips his head up and sends out a prayer. 

_God, if you decide to blow up the world right, I really won’t mind._

Two minutes later, after the world has decidedly _not_ blown up, he goes back to making heart eyes at Atsumu— inconspicuously of course. His teammates can go fuck themselves, Shouyou knows how to be subtle. 

Even with the war raging on in his head, he can feel Sakusa’s eyes burning a hole through his back. God damnit, was it too late to make a run for it? 

Shouyou is under the distinct impression that if he doesn’t profess his undying love by the time they’re done with karaoke, Sakusa might just write out a confession, on his behalf, in the sky with a plane. Kiyoomi can be ruthless like that. 

The bottom line being, he isn’t getting out of this. 

_Well, if I’m gonna die anyway, might as well go out on my own terms._

By the time the group arrived at the karaoke joint and paid for their room, Shouyou was decently prepared. 

(That's a lie, he’s mapping out every possible exit in case he needs to beat a hasty retreat after losing his dignity.)

Sakusa has that gleam in his eye like he’s preparing to tackle Shouyou if it’s necessary.

_Fuck my life. I’m a good person, I don’t deserve this._

He figures he might as well get it over with. Worst case scenario, Atsumu rejects him and everything becomes awkward and he’ll have to change his name and move to Scotland. 

Maybe he secretly has a talent for herding sheep.

* * *

Shouyou is the last person who’ll be singing and he couldn’t be more grateful for the extra time to get his shit together. 

Putting his impending doom aside, it’s nice to spend time with his friends like this. The atmosphere in the small room is warm and light. Sakusa hasn’t even complained about Bokuto’s ~~screeching~~ singing. 

They didn’t get anything alcoholic, they can wind down after practices however much they want and it’s not like anyone is stopping them from drinking but, the Olympics are coming up. God knows they would all rather strap themselves to the outside of a fighter jet than be at anything but their top form. With that in mind, there are several cans of coke littering the small table at the center of the room. 

With Hoshiumi’s boisterous applause and Aran’s soft encouragements, Shouyou is feeling significantly more relaxed than before. He has his song queued up and ready to go, all he has to do is sing without throwing up. 

Once his turn comes, he makes his way to the front of the room and grabs the mic from Iwaizumi, who just finished singing a soft traditional song. He has a great voice, Shouyou will need to text Oikawa about it later. 

He sits down on a stool and takes a deep breath. It was now or never. Shouyou can only hope that he doesn’t completely fuck everything up.

* * *

_Three months into being part of the V. League and the high has yet to wear off. Shouyou still pauses on his way into the gym, just to breathe and tell himself that yes, this is real, he made it._

_It’s exhilarating._

_Shouyou has spent his entire life telling people no. Looking adversity in the face and saying, ‘fuck you, just watch me’._

_He took every nose that looked down at him, every passing comment telling him he wasn’t enough, and he proved them wrong. Shouyou worked and overcame and flew higher because gravity doesn’t work on people with wings._

_So standing here, the jersey of a division one team tucked in his locker, with his name printed on the back, it feels like coming home. Home in a way that Miyagi could never be._

_This stage waited for him since the moment he stopped at a dusty store window. The second it all began, this court, this world, waited for him to open its doors and declare, ‘I’m here’._

_Shouyou looks to his right and sees the setter that also waited for him. Miya Atsumu is the only person he’s ever met who came to him first. Who looked him in the eyes and said, ‘I want to give you a place within these chipped white lines’._

_Every setter Shouyou has ever met only tossed to him after he asked— begged. Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji, Oikawa Tooru. The same story every time._

Will you set for me? 

_And then Atsumu came along._

_Miya Atsumu crashed into Shouyou’s life like a hurricane— throwing his own quick against him— and Shouyou got caught in the tide. For the first time, Shouyou felt what it was like to be made a fool._

_How dare he think Kageyama is special when Atsumu was right there._

_He told Shouyou he would toss for him one day with no prompting. Shouyou didn’t ask, he didn’t shower Atsumu with praise or offer him anything. No, all Shouyou did was play his absolute hardest against a phenomenal team and come out on top. Apparently, that was all Atsumu needed, for Shouyou to be himself._

_Shouyou didn’t have the mental capacity to really think about Atsumu’s declaration in the heat of the moment. The haze of being at nationals_ — _of winning_ — _weighing so heavily over him. Nothing else registered. It was only a couple days after he was back home, trying and failing to fall asleep one night, when he remembered the man clad in black. A number seven on his jersey, sweat dripping from golden blonde hair and a finger pointing at Shouyou from across the net._

_The following year, when they played each other again, Shouyou made sure to return the sentiment._

They are shaking hands after a hard-fought game but there is only one thing running through Shouyou’s mind. 

“Atsumu-san.” 

Atsumu lets his hand fall from Shouyou’s, giving him a smile as they stare at each other between the lines of the net. 

“Shouyou-kun. Ya won last year and I won today, I think that makes us even.” 

Shouyou returns Atsumu’s smile and responds even as tears gather in his eyes— the sting of loss, a fresh wound. 

“Yeah. One day, maybe the two of us will win together.” 

_And they did._

_They won and they lost. They laughed and they cried. All of it, they did together._

_Every day, Shouyou is amazed that he gets to call Atsumu his setter._

_People like to tell him that he has setters wrapped around his fingers left and right. It might be true but Shouyou knows he worked for that recognition. It didn’t come from him just standing there. No, he clawed at their ankles and jumped three meters in the air, and only then did they look at him like he was worth anything. These aren’t the things that Atsumu was drawn to._

_Atsumu told him once, Shouyou’s skill on the court is something that’s supposed to be a given. If he wants to stand here, the least he can do is have the capability to compete. So yes, Shouyou can jump high and run fast but so what? If he wants to play volleyball, these are things he needs, especially because they make up for his height. They aren’t extraordinary._

_What Atsumu was drawn to is the fact that Shouyou isn’t complacent. He looked at the things life had given him and he decided that he would work harder than anyone else to be able to use them to become the best._

_Atsumu respects those who are never satisfied._

_No one had ever said anything quite like that to Shouyou so freely. At that point, Atsumu didn’t even know him all that well but he had no problems voicing his thoughts. Shouyou thought he knew how incredible Atsumu was but after that particular conversation, he needed to come to terms with the fact that Miya Atsumu only becomes more remarkable the longer one knows him._

_So yes, Shouyou might have setters dancing in the palm of his hand but if Shouyou was a puppet, Atsumu would be the one pulling his strings._

_Atsumu understands him in a way not many people do. He was born with a twin who is, naturally, more talented than him. Shouyou knows that if Osamu really wanted to, he would have been able to replace Atsumu as a setter when they were teenagers. Atsumu only managed to keep the position because Osamu lacked the will to take it from him. Passion might be the only thing that Atsumu has Osamu beat in— at least where volleyball is concerned. Passion isn’t something that can be simulated. It can’t be faked or learned. Atsumu had to fight for his place the same way Shouyou did— the only thing pushing them forward being their own drive._

_People like Kageyama, people who— although hard workers— never had to be afraid that they would be overshadowed by someone better could never understand people like Shouyou and Atsumu. While they were the ones casting shadows, Shouyou and Atsumu were the ones being lost in the dark. Yet, here they both stand— monsters in their own right._

_Shouyou doesn’t realize he’s staring until Atsumu turns to look at him and a lazy smile breaks across his face. “That felt good Shouyou-kun but we can do better.”_

_‘We can do better’._

_A simple statement. A fact._

_“Yeah,” Shouyou says, suddenly breathless, “Let’s do it again.”_

_Atsumu answers with a grin and gets into position. As Shouyou watches him flex his fingers, he’s hit with the desire to hold them, to feel the callouses and perfectly manicured nails glide against his palm._

_Oh._

_Shouyou wants to hold Atsumu’s hands._

_He wants to hold them and never let go._

_What the fuck._

* * *

Shouyou watches from his place on the stool as his teammate’s eyes widen. None of them have ever heard him sing before, (except Sakusa apparently). 

As Shouyou looks over them all, he catches Sakusa’s gaze and receives the slightest nod. 

Shouyou shifts his gaze to Atsumu, who is watching Shouyou with a twinkle of amazement in his eyes. Shouyou has to take a breath to calm down— lest he do something stupid, like throw himself onto Atsumu’s lap. Or ask for his hand in marriage. 

Suna delicately raises an eyebrow at him while Iwaizumi and Aran’s smiles grow wide. Damn, he’s so blatant.

It’s not surprising considering he has yet to actually look away from Atsumu. His gaze has been lingering too long to not be noticed by some of his more perceptive teammates. Singing a love song while staring someone down isn’t very subtle. 

Atsumu has yet to notice though. He’s cheering Shouyou on with Hoshiumi and Bokuto while Yaku listens with quiet interest. 

_Small victories._

Kageyama has a weird look on his face but Shouyou can’t be bothered to figure that out right now. Kageyama always looks half constipated so it’s probably nothing.

Shouyou is equal parts dreading and anticipating the moment Atsumu will come around and notice.

* * *

_They're at a cafe, getting breakfast together before their late practice in the afternoon when a woman approaches them. Having fans come up to ask for autographs and pictures is something Shouyou has had to get used to in the four months he’s trained with the Black Jackals. It still embarrasses him sometimes but he figures it comes with the package of being a professional athlete in a division one team._

_Atsumu on the other hand receives the praises and excited yammering of their fans with the ease he sets a ball on the court. No doubt or hesitation, just a welcoming grin, and confident greeting._

_This woman, however, has absolutely no idea who they are. She completely ignores Shouyou’s existence and brazenly tells Atsumu he’s attractive and then proceeds to ask for his number. Absolutely no mention of their career involved._

_Atsumu, used to this kind of thing, just looks the woman up and down before rejecting her. The whole time Shouyou sits, watching with a mask of apathy to stop himself from outright glaring at the woman._

_Once she leaves, Atsumu turns back to Shouyou, opening his mouth to pick up their conversation prior to getting interrupted. Before he gets the chance though, Shouyou asks a question he will spend many months regretting._

_“Atsumu-san, how come you always say no when people ask you out? Do you like someone already?”_

_Atsumu looks surprised and then amused. It’s the wry kind of amusement, a look one wears when something is more sad than funny but they can’t help but want to laugh. Shouyou suddenly wants to take back his words, he doesn’t want to know what that look means._

_This time, Atsumu is the one talking before Shouyou can contradict himself. “Ya really hit the nail on the head Shouyou-kun.”_

_Oh._

_Shouyou had a feeling but he didn’t want it to be true._

_“I never thought someone would be able to catch the eye of the infamous heartthrob of the V. league.”_

_Dropping the conversation now will only make things awkward._

_(He ignores the way his chest feels tight and how it’s suddenly harder to breathe.)_

_This is fine. Teasing is good. Shouyou can throw out sly smiles and smirks all day to hide his real emotions._

_“A damn shame fer all my fans ain’t it,” Atsumu smirks back at him, matching Shouyou’s energy. Shouyou loves and hates the fact that Atsumu will always meet him in the middle._

_Distantly, Shouyou thinks, ‘not just your fans’._

_“Must be someone special huh?”_

_Shouyou watches as Atsumu’s smirk falls off his face, being replaced by a bittersweet twitch of his lips. Shouyou feels guilt pour down his throat like a thousand needles and hurries to apologize._

_“I’m sor—“_

_“Nah, no need fer all ‘at. Ya didn’t say anythin’ wrong.”_

_Atsumu’s accent gets thicker when he’s emotional— it shouldn’t make Shouyou’s heart race._

_“Ya remember Kita? From when we played each other at nationals fer the first time?”_

_Kita?_

_Oh. Right._

_For a second Shouyou forgot what they were talking about— too busy trying to even his breathing._

_“Uhm, I think so? Wasn’t he captain at the time?”_

_Shouyou remembers because gaining points against Inarizaki became so much harder after Kita was subbed in. He hadn’t seen any captain that wasn’t a regular before but Kita’s stability on the court was undeniable._

_“That’s him. Kita Shinsuke.”_

_The way Atsumu’s voice goes all soft makes Shouyou nauseous._

_“We were datin’ back then, had been fer a couple months. We were together until a little bit after I graduated. We tried ta make it work but our mindsets were different. We didn’t want the same things n’ eventually broke up.”_

_Atsumu sighs with the weight of the memories and Shouyou wants nothing more than to grab his hand._

_But he can’t do that. If Atsumu felt the way Shouyou’s pulse raced every time they touched, it would be game over. So instead, Shouyou offers Atsumu an encouraging smile and hopes it doesn’t look as forced as it feels._

_Atsumu isn’t looking at him anymore though, he’s staring out the window at Shouyou’s right, watching nothing. Maybe it says something about how completely and utterly in love Shouyou is, that he finds Atsumu beautiful, even when he’s talking about someone else._

_“It’s kinda sad that I still love him so much.”_

_“No,” Shouyou’s speaking before he can stop himself and Atsumu’s head tilts to look at him again. “I mean, love is unreasonable right? So, it makes sense that it would be hard to get over someone you felt so strongly for.”_

_Shouyou was talking out of his ass but Atsumu didn’t need to know that. He’s never been hung up on an ex, the only person Shouyou has ever loved is sitting in front of him._

_He should give himself more credit though. Shouyou did say one thing right— love is so fucking unreasonable._

_Atsumu gives Shouyou a small smile before closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. His hands are still placed on the table between them and Shouyou has to use more restraint than he cares to admit to stop himself from reaching out._

_“Yer right ‘bout that, I’ve been in love with ‘im since my first year a’ high school.”_

_Wow. Shouyou doesn’t stand a chance, does he?_

_He lets himself dig his nails into his palms to keep from crying. Now isn’t the time or place._

_The silence between them is thick with emotions neither of them understands. Shouyou is about to suggest they start heading to practice when Atsumu says in a soft voice, “Sometimes… sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever love anyone else. What if he’s it fer me?”_

_Shouyou doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know how to._

_What are you supposed to say when the person you love is telling you they might never love you back?_

_When they get to practice, both he and Atsumu are quieter than usual. They never really bring it up again, understanding that there’s no point in adding to a conversation that doesn’t do anything but hurt._

_Atsumu only mentions Kita in passing but he doesn’t need to voice his affections for them to be obvious. He hurries out of practice whenever Kita is in the city or looks fondly down at his phone when Kita sends a text to the old Inarizaki group chat. Shouyou does his best to ignore these fleeting moments._

_No matter how much he compartmentalizes, seeing the wistful smile that graces Atsumu’s face, over a person that isn’t even there, never stops Shouyou from drowning in his heartache._

* * *

Shouyou has never admitted out loud to being in love with Atsumu. Not to himself and certainly not to anyone else. He might be singing to convey his feelings but it doesn’t do the sheer emotion in his chest justice. Atsumu still looks enamoured but Shouyou can tell the pieces haven’t clicked yet. 

The same cannot be said for the rest of the team. 

At this point, most of them are staring at him with hanging jaws while he continues to stare at Atsumu, who is apparently unaware of the sudden lack of cheering. Sakusa has his mask on but Shouyou just _knows_ he’s wearing a smug smile underneath. 

Bokuto on the other hand looks two seconds away from screaming at the top of his lungs, while Yaku’s face is carefully impassive. It’s his normal state of being, but Shouyou catches something warm in his eyes like Yaku is silently wishing him luck. 

Actually, everyone is wearing the same look. 

Damn. Shouyou really does not need to cry right now. 

He averts his gaze and closes his eyes and takes a quiet breath. This far into the song, he’s more confident than when it started but he can’t help but think this will end badly. He’s Atsumu’s best friend, Atsumu is his best friend. What they have is good, better than good, and here he is, risking that comfort because he can’t control his own frantic heart. 

Once the dust settles, he’ll either have the love of his life, everything he’s ever wanted, or… 

It’s probably best not to go down that particular rabbit hole right now. 

Sometimes he misses being naive to the fact that love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

* * *

_Shouyou is just running a brush through his hair when his phone rings. It’s probably Atsumu calling to tell Shouyou he’ll be arriving soon._

_Today is one of their rare days off, part of the handful they’ve received since he joined MSBY about eight months ago, and Shouyou had asked Atsumu to go to the movies with him. There was a film Natsu had told him she really liked that was back in theatres and Shouyou is excited to see it. Partly because he could talk to his sister about something she likes and partly because he has an excuse to see Atsumu._

_In the dark of the theatre, Shouyou could almost pretend they were on a date— that they were more than they actually are._

_Shouyou picks up his phone from the vanity and answers without looking at the caller ID._

_“Hey, Shouyou-kun!”_

_Knew it._

_“Atsumu-san! Are you close?”_

_Shouyou hears the hesitation in Atsumu’s voice when he answers, “Actually Shouyou-kun, about that…”_

_Shouyou frowns, this already isn’t going the way he thought it would. “What is it? Don’t tell me you're lost.”_

_He says it good-naturedly but he can’t shake the cold crawling up his spine. He really hopes—_

_“Haha, very funny. It’s actually— I just— well Kita-san is apparently comin’ ta ‘Samu’s shop today ta drop off a shipment of rice n’ well…”_

_Of course._

_Shouyou isn’t surprised per se, but he wishes he wasn’t so used to this feeling of resignation. He isn’t first place in Atsumu’s heart after all. Hell, he probably isn’t even second. Or third, or—_

_Yeah, okay, Shouyou has dealt with this before. He just has to dismiss Atsumu’s apologies and assure him everything’s good. If the words taste like ash on his tongue, no one has to know._

_“You can go to Osamu-san’s restaurant then Atsumu-san. Don’t worry about me.”_

_Shouyou is proud his voice doesn’t shake considering the white knuckle grip he has on the bathroom counter._

_“I’m really sorry Shouyou-kun, I haven’t seen him in a while n’ ya know—”_

_Shouyou cuts him off. He really can’t listen to this. “No need to apologize, Atsumu-san, I get it. Tell Osamu-san and Kita-san ‘hello’ for me, okay?”_

_Atsumu sighs, “Yer the best Shouyou-kun, seriously. ‘M sorry but I’ll make it up ta ya, I promise.”_

_Shouyou hates how sincere Atsumu sounds. Damn him._

_“Alright Atsumu-san, I’m looking forward to it.”_

_Shouyou hates how he can’t bring himself to be angry. He should be. Lord knows he should be. He’s basically getting stood up. Shouyou had been looking forward to this not date, date. He even bought a new shirt because Natsu said it brought out his eyes._

_‘You should’ve known Shouyou, Atsumu only has eyes for one person and it’s definitely not you’, he thinks bitterly._

_Sometimes, Shouyou wants to scream at Atsumu._

I'm right here so why won't you look at me?

_“Man, Shouyou-kun, yer ta good ta me. I’ll see ya at practice tomorrow yeah?” But how can he be angry— how can he scream— when Atsumu sounds so genuinely relieved?_

_“Yeah, see you Atsumu-san.”_

_The line cuts off and he goes to see the movie alone. The staff at the cinema politely don’t comment when Shouyou is still in his seat after the credits roll, quietly sobbing into his knees._

* * *

The way Atsumu’s face twists before going slack with shock would have been funny if Shouyou wasn’t trying so hard not to throw up. 

He figured it out a lot faster than Shouyou thought he would, so that’s something. Shouyou holds his breath and tries to send out prayers to a god he doesn’t believe in. 

_Please. Please..._

Shouyou watches the way Atsumu whips his head around to look at their teammates, trying to figure out if he came to the right conclusion. It’s infuriatingly cute and Shouyou finds himself smiling, though he can feel the way it’s strained at the edges. 

Everyone looks at Atsumu with raised eyebrows as if they can’t believe it took him this long to catch on. 

Atsumu pointedly ignores them and looks back at Shouyou with clear disbelief written in his pupils and Shouyou’s smile becomes tighter. He has no idea what Atsumu is thinking. His face goes through so many emotions so quickly, Shouyou isn’t able to pinpoint any of them. Now, Atsumu’s a blank slate. Shouyou can’t tell if they’ll walk out of this room as friends or nothing at all. 

Did he just fuck everything up?

* * *

_Shouyou is back in Miyagi for a week, visiting his mom and sister when he gets an unexpected call from Atsumu. This is the first time he’s been home since going pro about a year ago and it’s been great. Shouyou would be lying though, if he said he doesn’t miss Atsumu’s constant presence._

_So, while the call is out of the blue, it’s certainly not unwelcome. It’s a late Sunday afternoon and Atsumu has been on his mind all day. If he was back in Osaka, they would probably be getting ice cream right now._

_He and Atsumu haven’t been in contact since Shouyou got on the train for Sendai and Atsumu left for Kobe. That was to be expected considering they are both busy with their respective families. Or, Shouyou suspects, in Atsumu’s case, busy pushing his brother into the nearest piece of furniture._

_Picking up the phone, Shouyou feels a wide grin stretching across his face._

_“Atsumu-san!”_

_“Shouyou-kun!”_

_Shouyou laughs, “You sound excited, what’s up?”_

_“Nothin’ much, just missed yer voice.”_

_The words and the fact that Shouyou can hear the smile in Atsumu’s voice, make him blush ten thousand shades of red. Atsumu is so unfair and Shouyou says as much._

_“Atsumu-san, that’s not fair!”_

_Atsumu snickers and Shouyou just blushes harder. “What’s not fair Shouyou-kun?”_

_Not even thirty seconds into their first conversation in days and Atsumu is already relentlessly teasing him._

_‘You sure know how to pick em Shouyou,’ he contemplates helplessly._

_“You can’t just say things like that!”_

_Atsumu— the bastard— starts fully cackling. Ugh, it’s such a pretty sound. Shouyou is supposed to be annoyed right now god damnit, he can be a lovesick idiot_ **_later_ ** _._

_“But, I just did.”_

_“Fuck you.”_

_“Only if ya ask nicely.”_

_Shouyou groans and deliberately ignores the heat crawling around in his stomach. Just a few words and he’s already worked up. Atsumu has too much power over Shouyou and he’s_ **_abusing it_** _._

_Unintentionally but that’s beside the point._

_“Out of pocket Atsumu-san. I really hope you didn’t call just to annoy me.”_

_“Don’t lie ta yerself Shouyou-kun, ya couldn’t be annoyed with me even if ya tried.” The smug note in Atsumu’s voice and the way he sounds absolutely sure of himself is infuriating._

_Shouyou hates that he doesn’t hate it._

_It’s not like Atsumu lied anyway, Shouyou really can’t be annoyed with him. But, that has less to do with Shouyou and more to do with the fact that Atsumu knows when to back off. Despite what people may think, Atsumu is very aware of people’s emotions and doesn’t push harder than he thinks they can handle. He still gets it wrong sometimes but he’s quick to mend bridges when it really matters._

_It’s one of the many things Shouyou absolutely adores about him but Atsumu doesn’t need to know that. Desperately trying to keep the fondness out of his voice, Shouyou shoves every sickly sweet thought into a far corner of his mind._

_“Really, you wanna bet on that?” Stupid suggestion considering he’ll lose miserably but again, Atsumu_ **_really_ ** _doesn’t need to know that._

_There’s a snort from the other end of the line. “Never took ya for a gambler Shouyou-kun~”_

_What the hell?! Shouyou has heard his name in a hundred different voices but it drips like honey from Atsumu’s mouth._

_Seriously, what the hell._

_Atsumu has been flirting with him a lot lately but if he doesn’t shut up soon, Shouyou is going to combust. If Shouyou didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought Atsumu was doing it on purpose._

_“Shut up.”_

_‘Please shut up’, Shouyou is embarrassingly close to whimpering._

_Atsumu just laughs. “Alright, what’re ya up to then? How’s yer mom n’ Nacchan?”_

_The sound of his sister’s nickname falling from Atsumu’s lips sends a flurry of warmth through his chest and he temporarily forgets the heat in his cheeks. The two have only talked through facetime whenever Shouyou was on a call with Natsu and Atsumu happened to be around, but they exchanged numbers a while ago, and have been texting regularly, considering what Natsu has told him._

_It makes Shouyou happier than he could ever explain to know that they’re so close. Natsu and Atsumu are undoubtedly the most important people in his life and it means the world to him that they are also important to each other._

_Shouyou wants to formally introduce the two in person, have Atsumu meet his mom as well but… that kind of thing feels so intimate. Like bringing a lover home to your family. It’s a pleasant notion but unattainable in reality considering…_

_Pushing that train of thought aside, Shouyou answers with as much cheer as he can manage. The emotional roller coaster he gets on every time he talks to Atsumu is exhausting. Exhausting yet completely worth it._

_“They’re good! I really missed them, it’s good to be home after so long.”_

_Atsumu hums, “Yeah, I getcha, missed my folks too but I would have a better time if ‘Samu stopped bein’ such a little shit. Ya wouldn’t_ **_believe_ ** _what he did this mornin’—”_

_As Atsumu devolves into yet another rant about his twin, Shouyou can’t stop the tender smile stretching his lips. He idly thinks that this is really nice. Atsumu’s voice is Shouyou’s favourite sound and he could listen to it for eternity._

* * *

Shouyou smiles a little easier as Atsumu’s face slowly gets redder. He can only focus on Atsumu right now but he guesses everyone else is wearing matching expressions of faint disgust. 

It’s a little weird because Atsumu isn’t one to get flustered. He’s a casanova and he knows it. Flirting and implicit propositions are nothing new to him. Seeing Atsumu like this is an occurrence that’s few and far in between. 

Even though Shouyou can feel his heart in his throat and a knot in his stomach, he forces himself to keep looking at Atsumu. He’s made it this far and he’s not going to run. Shouyou had his doubts but he’s not a coward. If his feelings are going to be out in the open, he wants to know— _needs_ to know— how they will be received. No matter the outcome. 

Determined to get an answer, Shouyou tries to let the question float in his gaze as he stares at Atsumu. 

_Do you love me like I love you?_

Atsumu’s honey-brown eyes blow wide and something— _something_ — flashes across them. When people asked Shouyou what he would want as a superpower, he always answered with the ability to fly. Now though, sitting in a too-hot room with his blood rushing past his ears, he thinks being able to read minds would be pretty cool too. 

After no more than a heartbeat— it felt like an eternity— Shouyou’s stare is returned just as intense. 

Atsumu _always_ meets him in the middle. 

The flash of whatever it was is gone as quickly as it came. In its place, the depth of Atsumu’s eyes holds the weight of an emotion Shouyou has seen many times— but never directed at him. The tsunami of feelings that crashes against him is a familiar pain but now, instead of drowning under the waves, he’s gently pushed to the surface. 

Shouyou has his answer. 

Something like ten kilograms falls off his shoulders. The boulder sitting on his chest gently rolls away. He’s having a hard time reigning in his tears and judging by how misty-eyed Atsumu looks, Shouyou guesses they’re in the same boat. His grin matches Atsumu’s and, for the first time in a very long time, Shouyou feels perfectly content.

* * *

_It’s been a long day and the ache in Shouyou’s bones is painful enough that he wants to lay down on the gross sweat-covered gym floor. He keeps himself upright solely because Sakusa would drown him in disinfectant if he touches the hardwood with anything but his feet._

_Inunaki looks two seconds away from collapsing and yeah, all of them can relate right now. Shouyou is starting to suspect that Coach Foster is a sadist. He’s only known the man for the sixteen or so months he’s spent with the Jackal’s but Shouyou is pretty confident in his conclusion. Who in their right mind would make someone complete Don Wildman’s circuit two days in a row? A sadist, that’s who._

_Shouyou understands that they’re professional athletes at peak physical condition but holy shit, he’s ready to rip off his legs if it’ll keep Foster from doing this to them again._

_While Shouyou tries to will energy back into his body via osmosis, his eyes wander to Atsumu. He’s very,_ ** _very_** _, slowly making his way towards the locker room and Shouyou_ ** _really_** _shouldn’t be eye-fucking him right now. In his defence though, Atsumu’s thighs could crush a man and Shouyou_ ** _highly_** _wants to get lost between the flesh._

_He probably would have continued to disappoint Jesus if Sakusa hadn’t chosen that moment to cough loudly behind him. The fact that Shouyou didn’t even jump said a lot— any other day he would’ve screamed bloody murder._

_“Stop mentally sucking Atsumu’s dick and start moving to the lockers.”_

_Shouyou chooses not to dignify that with a response._

_When he enters the locker room, Atsumu has a towel wrapped around his waist, getting ready for a quick shower. Since Shouyou is absolutely whipped, he has the passing thought that Atsumu belongs in a museum. Art should be properly appreciated after all._

_It’s embarrassing that this is a recurring thought. The first time, he had said it out loud and Sakusa refused to talk to him for three days because, quote, ‘you’re fucking disgusting’._

_Which is just rude, really. It’s not Shouyou’s fault that Atsumu is built like a Greek god._

_“Hinata can you at least_ **_pretend_ ** _not to stare?” Bokuto pipes up once Atsumu has entered the showers and the spray of water can be heard._

 _Shouyou subtly cringes when his teammates turn to give him bemused and vaguely affronted looks. Bokuto did_ **_not_ ** _have to call him out like that._

_Tamping down his sinful thoughts, Shouyou miraculously manages to change and shower and not fall over. If a breeze came through right now though, he would float away, he’s sure of it._

_It’s only when he finishes gathering his things that Shouyou notices it’s only him and Atsumu left in the locker room. The ramifications of_ **_that_ ** _would have set in if it wasn’t for the frown on Atsumu’s face. Shouyou hates that look. Atsumu remindes Shouyou of a sunbeam through rain clouds when he smiles. Seeing him wear any expression even resembling unhappiness makes Shouyou want to punch someone._

_Before he can think about it too hard, he’s talking. “Atsumu-san? Is everything okay?”_

_Atsumu looks up from his phone and his eyes clear a bit. “It’s nothing Shouyou-kun, ‘Samu’s just not goin’ ta be home tonight and I don’t really want ta go back ta an empty apartment.” Shouyou’s happy that Atsumu is being honest with him but the way he talked gave Shouyou the impression that he is expecting to be made fun of._

_If Shouyou was someone else, he’d most likely make a comment about Atsumu having separation issues but he isn’t. The fact that he also knows exactly how Atsumu feels prompts him to make an offer that is probably an extremely bad idea._

_“You could…” Shit, what is Shouyou_ **_thinking_ ** _? He should stop talking, he can still back out._

_…Except he can’t because Atsumu’s stare is pinning him to the floor. Great._

_“You could, uhm, come to my place? And stay the night? If you want of course. I mean, it’s closer and my, uhm, I’ve heard my couch is pretty comfortable so…”_

_Smooth Shouyou. Nice going._

_For one horrifying second, everything is silent. Atsumu is absolutely unreadable which isn’t doing Shouyou any favours. Atsumu is always on either end of the spectrum when it comes to people being able to read him. He is either an open book or completely closed off, with no in-between. Shouyou knows because he is the exact same._

_But maybe now isn’t the best time to swoon about all their similarities._

_Just as Shouyou is about to play off his offer, Atsumu smiles, the one that shows off his dimples and Shouyou falls a little bit harder._

_“Sure Shouyou-kun, that sounds great.” And with that, they are off. After a short walk and multiple internal chants of ‘what the fuck are you doing’, later, Shouyou finds himself getting an extra blanket and pillow out for Atsumu. They had grabbed take-out on the way and ate mostly in silence, although it was far from uncomfortable._

_Once Atsumu finished up in the bathroom, Shouyou lent him one of his own shorts that he left behind from another visit. It isn’t a rare occurrence for them to spend time in each other’s apartments but Shouyou hasn’t dared to stay the night or ask Atsumu to do the same. Not until today at least._

_He would have given Atsumu a shirt too but apparently, Miya fucking Atsumu sleeps without a shirt and Shouyou is pretty sure he is going to die._

_Atsumu is making an entirely unconscious effort to try and kill him._

_Shouyou is an adult, he can ignore a half-naked Atsumu one wall away from him. He’s an adult god damnit. It doesn’t matter that his hormones are making him feel like a teenage boy._

_Atsumu is acting the same as always though so Shouyou forces himself to chill out. This doesn’t need to be weird, just two teammates sleeping in the same general space. Nothing special about it._

_Oblivious to Shouyou’s freak out, Atsumu pipes up, “Thanks, fer lettin’ me stay here Shouyou-kun, it’s a little embarrassin’ that I don’t like being alone at home but… ya’ve been really sweet about it.”_

_Atsumu has this small bashful grin on his face and Shouyou tries to burn the image into his eyes. Atsumu’s smiles could be the eighth wonder of the world as far as Shouyou is concerned._

_With that in mind, he forces himself to relax. He gets the feeling after all. Shouyou thrives off attention and being around other people, same as Atsumu, so going home after a loud and energetic practice to the stillness of an empty apartment is hard. That’s why he means it when he says, “Of course Atsumu-san! I know what you mean so if you ever want to stay the night, I’d be glad to have you.”_

_So he might be digging his own grave but it’s worth it to see Atsumu light up like fireworks on New Year’s Eve._

* * *

Now that he’s not suffocating under the weight of his own trepidation, Shouyou lets his mind wander. 

It’s a little weird but he can’t say for sure when he fell in love with Atsumu. Usually, there’s a moment people look back on and think, ‘that’s when it started’, but it didn’t happen like that for Shouyou. It might have been the first time they played together, along with the adrenaline and excitement of matching with a setter so perfectly. Or maybe it had been back in high school when Atsumu made a promise that Shouyou carried with him to the other side of the world. He didn’t know at the time, which twin was speaking to him but, those words rang in his ears every day since they were spoken. 

He doesn’t know when he fell in love but he remembers the moment he finally realized it. The most prominent feeling being downright shock. 

It wasn’t because Shouyou was afraid to love or be in love. He doesn’t have commitment issues or some convoluted anxiety towards vulnerability— the kind of thing that comes hand in hand with love. No, he was struck dumb by the fact that he had never, _ever_ , felt like he did at that moment. The butterflies in his stomach might as well have been a goddamn zoo. 

He’s crushed on people, pursued them, dated them, but it was _nothing_ like what happened with Atsumu. 

Shouyou supposes that if he did actually fall in love with Atsumu in high school, that would explain why he was never able to give his heart to anyone else. Shouyou thought he loved his previous partners, that he had given as good as he got but he hadn’t. Love is supposed to be all-encompassing, unconditional, and unrelenting. Whatever Shouyou had felt for them, it hadn’t been love, and they realized that long before Shouyou did. 

To this day, Shouyou is ashamed of himself for not understanding his own emotions until then. His past relationships all flash in his mind and he sends them a silent apology. 

In his peripheral vision, he sees Kageyama.

He hadn’t been able to ask for their forgiveness but he had asked for Kageyama’s. 

The night he went home, dazed over his newfound feelings for Atsumu, Shouyou was hit with the sudden urge to cry. Finally, after so many years— _too_ _many years_ — he figured out what had crossed Kageyama’s mind when they broke up in high school.

Shouyou had called him as soon as he possibly could and all but got down on his knees, repeating his sorry’s until his throat ran dry. 

He still regrets his own immaturity but Shouyou knows he won’t make the same mistakes with Atsumu.

* * *

_Shouyou expected his weekend off would be spent binge-watching shitty superhero movies at Atsumu’s place and throwing popcorn at each other. After a little less than two years on the same team, it’s become typical for them to spend days off like this. Instead, however, he finds himself at the supermarket because Atsumu doesn’t know how to go grocery shopping like a functioning human being._

_He was planning to cook lunch for them since they have a strict diet to follow and take out is absolutely_ **_not_ ** _an option. (If their nutritionist even_ **_smelt_ ** _grease on them, she’d skin them alive). So with this in mind, imagine Shouyou’s surprise when he opens the fridge only to be met with energy drinks and a carton of eggs._

 _This didn’t make any sense considering Miya Osamu, the twin who_ **_literally_ ** _works in the food industry, also lives in this apartment. Why the fuck is there nothing to eat?_

_When Shouyou turned an unimpressed stare towards Atsumu, he discovered that Atsumu was supposed to go shopping today and in his typical fashion, completely forgot about it._

_So, Shouyou dragged Atsumu to the closest grocery store. This trip was supposed to be short and sweet, grab whatever they needed, and get the hell out. Except once they arrived, Shouyou quickly realized that Atsumu was hell-bent on buying anything and everything they_ **_didn’t_ ** _need._

_The next two hours Shouyou endures a test of patience harder than any algebra quiz he’s ever had. Tossing Fruit Loops cereal and a horrendous amount of cheese out of the cart, they finally manage to check everything off their list and pay._

_The domesticity of the whole situation isn’t lost on Shouyou but he’s doing his best to ignore it. The fact that he gets these little bits and pieces of what it would be like to have Atsumu to himself should make him happy. He knows that very few people actually get to see Atsumu the way he does._

_The way Atsumu gets childish when playing Mario Kart or the way he whines when he gets an eggshell in his omelet. The way he hums when he’s doing something that doesn’t require his full focus. The small, inconsequential things that Shouyou gets to behold, gets to be a part of, they should fill him with joy._

_And they do, he holds every piece of the puzzle that is Miya Atsumu close to his heart. He locks the pieces in a box and puts them together and slowly the puzzle is taking up more and more space in his chest._

_It gives him a feeling of contentment only if he doesn’t think about it too hard. When he does, instead of feeling happy, he feels bitter._

_As Atsumu’s best friend, there are things Shouyou gets to witness and things he can only dream about._

_Shouyou doesn’t know what it’s like to wake up in Atsumu’s arms, what it’s like to kiss him goodnight. Shouyou doesn’t know what it’s like to be Atsumu’s. To have Atsumu be his in return. Each time Shouyou is reminded of that, he feels his heart break a little more._

_On the walk back, while Shouyou is throwing a pity party over his self-inflicted heartache, Atsumu breaks the easy silence between them. “That was a lot of fun Shouyou-kun! We should do this every weekend. I hate goin’ grocery shoppin’ by myself but ‘Samu refuses ta go with me.”_

_Shouyou shoots him a blank stare. “Atsumu-san, I’m not doing your chores for you.”_

_Atsumu, ever the drama queen, gasps loudly and clutches his chest as if he’s been mortally wounded._

_It’s criminally endearing._

_“Shouyou-kun how could ya! Don’tcha wanna spend time with me?!”_

_Rolling his eyes and ignoring Atsumu’s vehement exclamations, Shouyou thinks, ‘I want so much more than this Atsumu-san, you have no idea’._

* * *

“Holy shit.” 

Shouyou chokes. He would have continued singing had Atsumu not chosen that moment to make a comment. He’s been quiet since he figured out Shouyou was confessing and Shouyou was doing his best to ignore him but that wasn’t going to work now. 

“Atsumu-san?” 

Atsumu, seeming in a daze, jolts in his seat and stares wide-eyed at Shouyou. “Huh?” 

“Hinata, at least finish the song,” Sakusa says from the corner of the room. He sounds so fed up that Shouyou feels sorry for him. It’s not surprising considering that Shouyou and Atsumu have probably been making eyes at each other for the last five minutes. Their teammates are honest to goodness saints for being able to put up with Shouyou and Atsumu’s bullshit. 

“Right, sorry, uhm—” 

“What, no. We’re leavin’. Like, right now.”

Well then. 

Atsumu looks half-feral as he grabs Shouyou by the hand and practically hauls him off the stool he was sitting on. There’s an urgency in his gaze that makes Shouyou’s blood boil. 

“Right now?” 

“Right now.” 

If Atsumu wants to go, Shouyou isn’t going to stop him. But, as they get to the door he remembers, they aren’t the only ones here. 

“Wait, Atsumu-san—” 

“Nope” 

“Atsu—” 

“Nope. Thanks for this lovely evenin’ everyone. See ya… hopefully not any time soon.” 

Shouyou snorts at the way Atsumu is practically jumping up and down. He’s like an overexcited puppy. Shouyou turns around and gives their teammates a smile and apologizes in his head for the comment he’s about to make but really, he can’t help himself.

If they’re about to go do what Shouyou _thinks_ they’re about to go do, he needs to create tension. 

“We don’t have practice tomorrow, right?” 

Aran answers him, looking rightfully scared at whatever is going to come out of Shouyou’s mouth. “No, we don’t… why?”

Shouyou smiles, “Just checking.” 

Atsumu freezes in his bouncing at the tone of Shouyou’s voice. He looks like his brain just exploded and yeah, that’s exactly what Shouyou wanted to see. 

Everyone else groans and that seems to set Atsumu in motion once again. “I’m not lettin’ ya have all the fun ya know.” 

Not the response Shouyou was expecting but, it has the desired effect. The implication of the words running rampant in his mind. 

This time, he’s the one to groan. “Okay, if we don’t get out of here in the next five seconds I’m going to get on my knees and—” 

“ALRIGHT. Okay! We’re goin’. Thanks, Shouyou-kun, I’m sure they all wanted ta hear that.” 

“I wanna hear _you_ —” 

“ _Fuckin’ hell_ —”

Shouyou is laughing when Atsumu finally pulls him out of the karaoke room and down the hallway to the exit. Before they leave, he swears he hears everyone let out a long-suffering sigh.

* * *

“So… they’re not gonna sleep tonight.” 

“I have to bleach my brain to forget this ever happened.”

“Someone kill me.”

* * *

Atsumu doesn’t let go of Shouyou’s hand until they’re back in their room. Shouyou is grateful because the weight in his palm is the only thing grounding him right now. He was so confident back at karaoke but now he can’t help but wonder if he misinterpreted the signs. What if Atsumu is just vaguely attracted to him? What if he’s not actually in love with Shouyou? 

What if he’s just using Shouyou as a rebound?

Fuck, he really hopes that’s not the case. 

They don’t talk the entire time they’re walking back and Shouyou has no idea what Atsumu is thinking. Everything passes by in a blur of concrete and unsteady steps. When they finally get to their room, Atsumu lets go of his hand silently and walks in. He doesn’t turn on the lights, choosing instead to open the curtains. Tokyo never sleeps after all. Shouyou keeps his back to Atsumu, not turning around after closing the door. He wants to take a few seconds to sort his thoughts. 

Atsumu must sense that something is wrong because, after a minute, Shouyou hears him walk closer. “Shouyou-kun?” 

Shouyou sighs and puts together his words. There’s no other option than to talk. Shouyou and Atsumu are excellent at reading each other but this needs to be said out loud. Shouyou needs to hear it. 

“Atsumu-san, do you love me?” 

He doesn’t need to turn around to know that Atsumu just froze.

“What?” 

“I— I need to know.” Deep breaths Shouyou, deep breathes. “I can’t _—_ I don’t want a one-night stand.” 

“Huh? Shouyou-kun, wh—” Atsumu sounds confused. 

“I need to know what this means to you because I—” Shouyou’s voice is shaking but before he can continue, Atsumu comes up and wraps his arms around him. 

“Shouyou.” 

Atsumu’s voice is right next to his ear and Shouyou inhales sharply. 

“Shouyou, look at me.” How can he say no when Atsumu sounds like that. 

Shouyou turns around, a little reluctantly but he does it. He comes face to face with Atsumu’s chest but there’s a hand tilting his chin up before he can appreciate it. 

A warm smile is playing on Atsumu’s lips, so full of love that Shouyou almost turns his head around to find who it’s directed towards. 

_Wait…_

His breath catches in his throat and he brings his hands up to clutch at the front of Atsumu’s shirt. He still has a hand cradling Shouyou’s jaw. 

“This means everything ta me.”

Shouyou breathes out slowly, “Really?” 

Atsumu, undeterred by Shouyou’s hesitance, just keeps smiling down at him. “Ya idiot.” 

“Hey—”

“I love you.” 

Oh. 

_Oh._

Atsumu loves him? Atsumu loves him. 

_Atsumu loves him._

There’s a thumb swiping across his cheek and oh… he’s crying. 

“You— seriously?” 

“Shouyou, I’m so insanely in love with ya, it drives me crazy. _You_ drive me crazy. Ya have no idea—”

And then they’re kissing. 

Shouyou pulls Atsumu down and slots their lips together, feeling the way Atsumu melts against him.

_Wow, this is really nice._

Searing heat seeps into Shouyou’s body at every point he’s touching Atsumu and he thinks this must be what it’s like to be set on fire. 

They move together and eventually, Shouyou feels a tongue swipe across his bottom lip. He opens his mouth and lets Atsumu take the lead. Atsumu is all warm, solid muscle, beneath his hands and he never wants to move. 

Heaven is a place on earth and Shouyou has found his religion in the taste of Atsumu’s tongue. 

One of Shouyou’s hands moves up into Atsumu’s hair, feeling the soft buzz of his undercut before gripping onto long blonde locks. Shouyou feels the groan Atsumu lets out dance across his lips when he pulls. Digging the nails of his other hand into Atsumu’s shoulder. 

As their tongues tangle together, Atsumu coaxes Shouyou into his mouth and sucks gently. Shouyou moans and retaliates by biting Atsumu’s bottom lip, pulling lightly at the flesh. Atsumu answers with a moan of his own. 

The hands on his waist squeeze before moving down to his hips, slightly dipping past the waistband of his jeans and boxers. 

Suddenly Shouyou is very aware of all the layers between them. Too many clothes and not enough skin. Before he can explore that train of thought further, the burning in his lungs becomes apparent and he pulls away to take a breath. There’s a string of saliva connecting them together, only broken when Atsumu drags his tongue across his bottom lip as if trying to savour Shouyou’s taste. 

His lips are tingling and he knows they’re already red and puffy. Shouyou doesn’t know how long they’ve been making out. It could have been minutes, it could have hours. His entire universe has narrowed down to Atsumu. The way his eyes are glowing, the flush on his face, his heavy breathing. Shouyou wants to take a picture and get it tattooed. This is what Miya Atsumu looks like after getting kissed to an inch of his life and he is _breathtaking_. 

“I love you too.” Shouyou breathes into the centimetres between them. “I love you Atsumu-san, with my entire heart and soul. I’m in love with you.” 

The grin that breaks across Atsumu’s face is something Shouyou wants to look at for the rest of his life. Tears are gathering at the corners of his eyes and Shouyou reaches up to gently wipe them away before wrapping his arms around Atsumu’s neck and hugging him. 

Immediately, Atsumu pulls Shouyou in and holds on to him tighter. He noses along Atsumu’s neck and registers the fact that Atsumu’s natural smell is like being in a forest after rain. It blankets him like a warm bed on a winter morning. A place he never wants to leave. 

Shouyou can feel Atsumu’s heart pounding in his chest. Or maybe that’s him. It doesn’t really matter. 

Here, right now, in the arms of the love of his life, Shouyou doesn’t think _anything_ else matters.

* * *

God only knows how long they stand there, wrapped in each other as if they’re making up for the lost time. Shouyou is completely content to build a home in the comfort of Atsumu’s arms but when there’s a gentle squeeze around his waist, he’s suddenly made aware of the lingering pull in his gut. 

“Atsumu-san, do you want to go inside?”

Shouyou pulls back and sees the confusion on Atsumu’s face melt into understanding. He flushes a little harder but there’s a crease between his brows that Shouyou doesn’t like. 

Shouyou frowns. “Do you not want to?” He’s okay with that of course but Atsumu seemed on board not too long ago. 

“No! No, I do. Of course, I do. I was just— are ya sure?” 

Shouyou smiles. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “Yeah, I am.” 

Atsumu releases a shaky breath before nodding. “Okay.” 

They walk until the back of Atsumu’s knees hit his bed and he sits down. Shouyou is quick to climb onto his lap. 

Just as Shouyou is about to move in to kiss him again, Atsumu pipes up. “One thing though.” 

Confused, Shouyou pulls back and raises a delicate eyebrow. 

“Will ya be my boyfriend?”

Shouyou blinks, taking a second to process. When the words finally register, a grin splits across his face and the tears come back full force. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend Atsumu-san.” He ignores the way his voice shakes.

Atsumu looks relieved— as if he had anything to worry about. “Okay. Okay cool. Can ya drop the ‘san’ from my name then?” 

“I don’t know ‘Tsumu, can I?” 

Shouyou _sees_ the moment Atsumu shuts down and it gives him an immense amount of joy. He’s giggling before he can stop himself. Atsumu groans and drops his forehead onto Shouyou’s shoulder, hands falling from Shouyou’s face to grip his waist while Shouyou’s arms wind themselves around Atsumu’s neck. 

“Yer such a cheeky little shit.” 

Shouyou hums, carding nimble fingers through surprisingly soft hair.

Before he can bask in the feeling, Atsumu is standing up, forcing Shouyou to lock his legs around Atsumu’s waist. Not giving him a chance to register what’s happening, Atsumu spins around and unceremoniously drops Shouyou back on the bed. Falling with him, Atsumu lands on top and fits himself between Shouyou’s legs as if he belongs there.

Heartbeat stopping for a second before going into overdrive, Shouyou is sure he just ascended. 

Atsumu’s eyes spark dangerously as he leans down, elbows on either side of Shouyou’s head, to whisper in his ear. “Teasin’ can go both ways, Shou.” 

A shiver runs up Shouyou’s spine and he arches his back, seeking more of Atsumu’s touch. 

Atsumu chuckles roughly and Shouyou’s dick twitches at the sound. It doesn’t go unnoticed by the way Atsumu immediately grinds one of his thighs against Shouyou’s crotch. 

“Ah, please.” Shouyou’s voice sounds far needier than he would like. 

“Please what baby?”

Shouyou’s thoughts are slipping through his fingertips and the pet name sends even more blood away from his head. Where does he even begin? Atsumu isn’t making it easy to think with the way he’s trailing kisses along Shouyou’s jaw. Moving down to his neck and sucking various bruises into the expanse of skin. He won’t be able to hide those but it’s not like he wants to. 

While his lips make their way around Shouyou’s collarbones, Atsumu keeps his thigh pressed down on Shouyou’s dick. Giving enough pressure and friction for pleasure to tingle up Shouyou’s spine but nowhere near enough.

“Ya have to tell me what ya want so I can give it to ya Shouyou.” 

Shouyou gathers the last remnants of his coherency to answer. “I— I want to suck your dick.” 

Atsumu pauses in his movements before groaning low in his throat, moving his head to kiss Shouyou with more tongue and teeth than actual lips. It’s so hot and Shouyou is unbearably hard. Atsumu eventually breaks away, getting up to unfasten his belt. Shouyou watches him for a moment, completely mesmerized, before sitting up and pushing Atsumu’s hands away. Atsumu raises an eyebrow and Shouyou flushes. “I want to do it.” 

That gets him a smile and a nod. 

Shouyou proceeds to take off his shirt and pants while Atsumu watches. He’s still sitting on the edge of the bed, with Atsumu standing— towering— over him. The slight shame of being totally naked when Atsumu is fully clothed only makes his arousal burn brighter. Atsumu’s gaze holds nothing but desire and Shouyou feels like he’s being preyed upon. Like Atsumu is staring at a meal he can’t wait to devour whole. 

He gets looked at up and down and notices the way Atsumu’s pupils dilate the longer he keeps his eyes on Shouyou’s body, the chocolate brown of his irises becoming a ring. Shouyou watches as Atsumu bites his bottom lip, the place Shouyou’s teeth had been mere minutes ago. His fingers twitch as if they can’t help but want to touch. Shouyou takes in every shift of Atsumu’s body, creating patterns in the mindless, lust-filled movements, storing them away in his memory to be looked at later. 

Sucking in a breath after a long couple of seconds— that felt entirely too short— Shouyou pulls Atsumu in by his hips so his crotch is level with Shouyou’s face. His hands trace along the exposed skin of Atsumu’s legs through the rips in his jeans. Stopping for a second to come up and pop open the button. Shouyou catches the zipper of the fly with his teeth and looks up at Atsumu through his eyelashes, slowly dragging the zipper down. Atsumu holds his gaze and brings a hand up to sweep Shouyou’s hair off his forehead. 

“God, yer so beautiful.” Shouyou preens under the praise.

Any other day, he’d be all for mouthing along the hardness of Atsumu’s dick through his tight boxers, soaking the fabric in saliva. This isn’t any other day though. Shouyou is impatient and strung so tight, it’s astounding he hasn’t snapped yet. He shoves Atsumu’s jeans and underwear halfway down his thighs without any preamble and takes a moment to stare at his dick. 

_It’s so big._

If Shouyou was drooling right now, he wouldn’t be surprised. Breathing in Atsumu’s musky smell, he uses the extra saliva to spit on his palm before wrapping it around the base of Atsumu’s dick. Giving a firm tug upward and stopping to squeeze just under the head. Shouyou watches as Atsumu’s head falls back when he groans, bucking his hips into Shouyou’s hand. 

Encouraged by the response, he moves forward and licks around Atsumu’s dick while his fist keeps a steady rhythm. He dips his tongue into the slit at the head and laps up the precum. Atsumu’s hips buck forward again and his hand comes around to grip the back of Shouyou’s head, pulling on his hair lightly. He moans as Shouyou wraps his lips around the head and sucks. 

“ _Fuck yes_ , just like that.” 

Shouyou moans and digs his nails into Atsumu’s thighs. He sinks his head lower, swirling his tongue and sucking, before coming back up. He repeats the process until his nose touches Atsumu’s navel. Atsumu is long and thick and he goes so far down Shouyou’s throat it’s painful. It’s painful but it’s _so good_. Shouyou swallows around Atsumu’s cock and feels the sting in his scalp from the hand tugging at his hair. It’s worth it though, to hear Atsumu groan and pant and desperately try to keep a grasp on reality.

He keeps up the rhythmic bobbing of his head, increasing the pace every now and then only to slow down. Shouyou alternates between swallowing around Atsumu’s dick and shallow bobs of his head. Atsumu lets him set the pace. Not pushing Shouyou’s head down, not pulling him off. He can tell that Atsumu is holding back from moving, shaking with the effort it must be taking, but Shouyou doesn’t want that. He wants his throat fucked raw. 

Tapping a finger against Atsumu’s thigh, Shouyou looks up and hopes Atsumu gets the message. He apparently does because he growls before gripping Shouyou’s hair in a tight fist and dragging him up slightly only to slam him back down, effectively choking Shouyou on his dick. 

“Ya want me to fuck yer mouth?”

Shouyou moans brokenly and Atsumu picks up the pace, relentlessly shoving himself down Shouyou’s throat. 

Tears are trailing along Shouyou’s cheeks and there’s drool dripping from his chin but Atsumu must really like the sight because he just pulls Shouyou’s hair harder. His other hand tracing the corner of Shouyou’s mouth, stretched wide around Atsumu’s cock. 

“Jesus Shouyou, look at ya. Yer a fuckin’ mess.” 

Shouyou lets out a pitiful sob, the sound garbled with Atsumu in his mouth. His jaw and throat are aching but he loves it. Shouyou is a slave beneath Atsumu’s fierce gaze and his moans are Shouyou’s command. 

“Hah. Ah, shit— _god,_ yer so good sweetheart, _so fuckin’ good_. Yer takin’ my dick so well.” 

Atsumu’s voice is lower and rougher than Shouyou has ever heard and it settles under his skin like crackling electricity. If he keeps talking like that Shouyou is going to cum without even being touched. Atsumu slams his hips forward a couple more times, forcing Shouyou to gag on his dick, before completely pulling him off. Shouyou whines at the sudden, unexpected loss but, Atsumu yanks the hair at the base of his skull, making Shouyou look up at him. Their eyes meet and Shouyou freezes at the carnal hunger swimming in the depth of Atsumu’s eyes. 

“‘M gonna cum all over that pretty face a’ yers.” 

Shouyou moans, unashamed, at the words. He likes that idea _very much_. Shouyou finally gives in and attends to the painful throbbing of his own dick. Wrapping a hand around it, the first touch he’s had since they started. It sends an inferno of heat through him, making him choke down a sob. 

“ _Yes_. Yesyesyes, _me dê isto_.” It hurts a little, to talk, but the burn in his throat is a welcome pain. 

Atsumu growls, one hand still in Shouyou’s hair while the other jerks himself off furiously. Shouyou matches the pace on his own cock. “Cum all over me ‘Tsumu, _please_.” Atsumu tenses before groaning louder than before, muscles coiled like a snake ready to strike. He spills himself on Shouyou’s face in long ropes, moaning low and breathy. His body is shuddering, beads of sweat running down his temple. His face is flushed and his parted lips glisten in the city lights streaming in through the window. 

_Shit._

Miya Atsumu is a masterpiece. 

Shouyou can’t look away and the sight sends him over the edge. He gives a few more tugs on his cock and the orgasm that sears through him has his head going blank. White-hot pleasure replaces the flow of his blood. Broken, scratchy moans and whimpers of Atsumu’s name fall from his lips like piano notes. 

He can only guess what he looks like. Eyes rolled back and chest heaving from the force of his own orgasm. The murky white of his release splattered across his abdomen. Dick still half-hard with his tongue lolling out, collecting most of Atsumu’s cum. The rest falling on his cheeks and eyelids, the edges of his hair. Dripping down the corner of his lips onto his chin. Shouyou’s face is a mosaic of tears and drool and cum and it’s _filthy_ but he’s never felt more satisfied

He slowly comes down from his high, breathing ragged and Atsumu isn’t faring much better. Not so lost in the clouds anymore, Shouyou finally registers Atsumu’s taste. It’s salty and a little bitter but _so fucking good_. Shouyou wants to drink him in for _days_. Completely lost in everything Atsumu, Shouyou doesn’t register the phone hovering above him until there’s a sound of a camera shutter. 

“Did— did you just take a picture?” Shouyou croaks out.

Atsumu smiles down at him, throwing the device aside and swiping a thumb across Shouyou’s cheek, collecting his own cum. He parts Shouyou’s lips and slips it inside his mouth, hand hooked under his chin. Shouyou sucks obediently. 

“Ya looked so pretty, couldn’t help myself.” Shouyou moans around the finger. If he looked pretty then Atsumu looked downright stunning. This man is going to be the death of him. 

Gently, Atsumu extracts himself from Shouyou, slipping his thumb out and getting a towel. He wipes Shouyou down before laying him back on the bed. Shouyou is already throbbing but he only gets harder as Atsumu takes off all his clothes and reaches into the nightstand for lube and condoms. The anticipation simmering in his bones makes his breaths come out shallow. 

Shouyou takes the time Atsumu is preoccupied to stare. There’s miles and miles of tan skin that Shouyou wants to map with his lips. He wants to dip his tongue into the contours of Atsumu’s biceps and abs and thighs. 

Atsumu’s hair is disheveled and strands are sticking to his forehead, damp with sweat. It reflects the street light streaming into the room, forming a halo above his head. His muscles ripple with the slightest movement, skin flushed and a light sheen of sweat making him glow. He’s bathed in a multiplex of colour and Shouyou feels like he’s looking at a work of art. Clearly, god spent a little more time on Atsumu— sculpting him out of gold— than he did with the rest of humanity. 

How did Shouyou get so lucky?

“‘Tsumu,” he whispers, getting a soft hum in response. 

“You’re gorgeous.” 

That has Atsumu freezing. He turns to look at Shouyou, slowly approaching him before slotting himself between Shouyou’s legs again, this time on his knees. Atsumu smiles at him softly, stroking a hand up and down Shouyou’s thigh. 

“Yer the ones that's gorgeous Shou.” 

Shouyou breathes out shakily. He sits up slightly to wrap his arms around Atsumu’s neck, dragging him down and kissing him hard enough to bruise. Atsumu kisses him back just as hard.

They pull away for a moment and Shouyou ghosts his fingers down the back of Atsumu’s neck. 

“I love you.”

Half-lidded eyes meet his own and Atsumu brushes his answer along the seam of Shouyou’s lips. 

“I love ya more.” 

Atsumu pulls Shouyou into a kiss before he can respond but the words linger in his mind. 

While they’re kissing, Atsumu lifts him slightly and slips a pillow underneath his hips. He hears the click of the lube being opened and exhales lightly into Atsumu’s parted mouth. Shouyou senses more than sees Atsumu warming the lube between his fingers. There’s a question floating in his gaze when they part and Shouyou smiles softly. 

“I’m sure.” 

Atsumu returns the smile and starts lightly tracing the raised skin of his rim but not moving beyond that. Before Shouyou can complain, he feels fingers tracing down his nose. Realizing he’s closed his eyes, he opens them slowly, watching as Atsumu’s eyes flit across his face. Shouyou almost feels self-conscious under the observation. 

“What is it?” 

Atsumu smiles and leans down to kiss him quickly. 

“Just thinkin’ about how lucky I am.” 

Shouyou’s breath stutters to a stop. His chest is clenching so hard, he wonders if his heart is still beating. 

_Fuck_ , that sends a rush of happiness through Shouyou, so strong, he’s left breathless. 

His.

Atsumu is _his._

How long has he wanted this? To have Atsumu look at him like he hung the stars and the moon. To have Atsumu whisper words of devotion into his ears— like Shouyou is a shrine and Atsumu a priest. He wants to pinch himself but at the same time, if this is a dream, he doesn’t ever want to wake up. 

“Eu sou o sortudo.” Shouyou whispers, his voice rough.

Atsumu continues to trail his fingers along Shouyou’s face, swiping his thumb gently across Shouyou’s bottom lip. “I love it when ya speak Portuguese.” 

“Yeah?” he asks, grabbing Atsumu’s hand and pressing kisses to the pads of his fingers. Shouyou gets a soft hum in response. 

“What does it mean?” 

He smiles, letting go of Atsumu’s hand in favour of reaching up and delicately cupping his cheek. Atsumu leans into him and Shouyou feels his heart swell.

“That I’m the lucky one.” 

Atsumu’s eyes widened before closing. He bites his lip for a second before letting out a shaky exhale. When he opens his eyes again, he turns his head and plants a kiss on Shouyou’s palm. 

“Yer killin' me.” 

Shouyou laughs lightly. Atsumu smiles at him and leans further down to kiss the tip of his nose. A second later, Shouyou feels a finger sinking into him, not stopping until it’s all the way down to the knuckle. Shouyou gasps and pushes his hips down onto the intrusion. 

Atsumu’s other hand runs up and down Shouyou’s side, occasionally moving to tweak his nipples. Shouyou keeps one hand firmly clutching Atsumu’s shoulders, digging in his nails and leaving behind tiny little crescents. The other hand twisting into sheets above his head.

There are whispers of sweet nothings in his ear as Atsumu stretches Shouyou out, adding a second finger not long after the first. He scissors Shouyou open and massages against the spongy tissue of his walls but avoids touching Shouyou’s prostate, circling his fingers just underneath. 

Atsumu has beautiful setter hands and Shouyou positively basks in the feeling of having them inside him. The soft squelching noises produced by the drag of Atsumu’s fingers are drowned out by Shouyou’s pants and whimpers. Little pleas escape his mouth in a breathless voice he hardly recognizes as his own. 

“Meu amor, ‘Tsumu, _please_.” The words are fragmented— he doesn’t have the power to construct sentences. All he knows is that Atsumu is touching him in all the right ways but he needs _more_. 

Atsumu hums and ghosts his lips along Shouyou’s neck but he delivers. Adding a third finger and moving his head down to lick at Shouyou’s nipples. The slight burn at his rim and the teeth nipping lightly along his chest have Shouyou breathing heavy. It seems like Atsumu doesn’t have it in him to tease Shouyou anymore. The two of them are live wires ready to snap. Every nerve ending in their bodies buzzing with energy. 

Minutes pass by with Atsumu exploring Shouyou’s body with his free hand and his lips. Touching anywhere and everywhere he can reach. Shouyou in turn, trails his hands over Atsumu’s shoulders, up to his neck and back down across his chest. Hard muscle and soft skin, the smell of a rain-soaked forest and laboured breathing all fill Shouyou’s senses. Touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste. Everything is Atsumu and Shouyou lets himself get lost in it. 

Meanwhile, Atsumu’s fingers don’t falter in their rhythm, only speeding up as they spread Shouyou open. The ruthless in and out contrasting with the almost reverent way Atsumu is kissing along his jaw. He still won’t hit Shouyou’s prostate and the deliberate avoidance is driving Shouyou crazy. 

“Atsumu, baby, please,” Shouyou says between hiccuping breaths, “ _I need you_.”

Atsumu kisses him nice and slow, swallowing Shouyou’s stream of solicitations for more. He moves his lips with less urgency and more simmering passion. Shouyou whines into the kiss, tears escaping his eyes and rolling gently down his temple. Atsumu follows their trail with his lips while reaching for a condom. 

“Relax sunshine, I’ve got ya.” Atsumu presses the reassurance into his skin. 

He fucks his fingers into Shouyou a couple more times before pulling them out, wiping his hand on the bedsheets. 

Ignoring how he feels almost hollow, Shouyou sits up and takes the foil packet— tearing it open with shaking hands. Atsumu’s stare is a physical caress and Shouyou is tempted to get on his hands and knees under the gaze. Not giving in to the urge, although extremely tempted to do so, Shouyou firmly keeps his head down. He rolls the condom down the length of Atsumu’s dick and lies back after giving him a lingering kiss. 

Atsumu leans over him once more, wrapping a hand around himself and pushing gently against Shouyou’s rim. 

“Ready?” Atsumu asks one more time. 

“Yeah,” Shouyou breathes out slowly.

Atsumu presses his hips forward until the tip of his dick is pushed past Shouyou’s rim. He wraps his arms around Atsumu’s shoulders, his legs bent back over his chest— hands clenching in anticipation. Shouyou feels Atsumu slide into him, centimetre by agonizing centimetre. 

Eyes closed and heart-pounding, Shouyou lets himself feel the burn of Atsumu stretching him, once again being _so full_. It’s a familiar sensation and yet so foreign. Atsumu’s eyelashes and shuddering breaths brush across the skin of Shouyou’s neck. 

He basks in the heat radiating from the body on top of his own. Both of them have always run hot and what should be stifling warmth is only grounding comfort. 

Atsumu pauses once he’s flushed with Shouyou, giving them both a chance to just _feel_. He picks up a slow pace after— deep strokes that leave him buried inside Shouyou to the hilt every time. 

Shouyou has done this a hundred times with a hundred different people but it’s never felt like this. Sex has never been _intimate_ for him. Just his body moving against another, each one seeking its own pleasure.

Sex never made everything else in the world fall away. Yet here, with Atsumu, Shouyou feels like they’re the only people on Earth. The sky could fall and the ground could split open but the only thing Shouyou would know is Atsumu. 

“ _Atsumu._ ”

Atsumu lifts his head from Shouyou’s neck at the call, picking up speed. Eyes never leaving Shouyou’s, he pulls back only to rock in sharply— the slap of skin on skin reverberating in the room. 

Shouyou cries out. “ _Oh fuck._ Yes, _yes._ Fuck me _. Fuck me_.” His breath gets knocked out of him with every piston of Atsumu’s hips. 

He drags his nails down Atsumu’s back, drawing blood and leaving behind thin red lines. Atsumu closes his eyes and growls at the slight burn. 

“Fuck _Atsumu_. Give it to me harder baby, c’mon.” 

Atsumu laughs breathily and wraps one hand around Shouyou’s throat, pressing gently at the sides. Shouyou chokes on a surprised moan. The intense rush of pleasure leaves him more breathless than the squeeze of Atsumu’s fingers. 

“Ya want it harder Shouyou?” Atsumu punctuates every word with a thrust of his hips. 

Shouyou’s vision is getting blurry with the lack of oxygen but he’s never been so hard in his life. 

“Ya won’t remember _yer_ _own fucking name_ when I’m done with ya sweetheart. _I promise_.” 

Shouyou gasps for air when Atsumu releases his neck. Desperately trying to get oxygen into his aching lungs.

Fuck. 

_Fuck_ , _it’s so good._

Atsumu moves his hand to grab the top of the headboard, giving in to Shouyou’s request and delivering on his own subsequent vow. 

“ _Oh_. Oh my _god. Fuck.”_ Shouyou all but screams. 

Changing his angle slightly and shoving Shouyou’s legs farther back, Atsumu thrusts even harder against him. The back of his thighs feel raw and the blunt head of Atsumu’s dick now presses relentlessly against his prostate with every push of Atsumu’s hips.

_Holy shit._

Losing the ability to form coherent words, Shouyou can do nothing but shriek at the onslaught of pleasure. It’s too much and too good and _fuck, he’s going to lose his mind._ Atsumu is fucking him so hard Shouyou wouldn’t be surprised if his brain turns into goo. 

Every drive of Atsumu’s dick pushes Shouyou further up on the bed and he has to bring his hands up over his head to avoid getting a concussion. He’s practically folded in half now, calves resting over Atsumu’s shoulders. 

He gasps and pants and claws at the bedsheets above his head while Atsumu whispers absolutely salacious comments in his ears. 

“That’s it Shouyou, scream pretty fer me.” 

And,

“Yer gonna feel me inside a’ ya fer _days_.”

And,

“Ya feel so good baby, yer so tight.” 

Atsumu’s voice saying the most obscene things while pounding Shouyou into next week leaves him on the verge of arousal-induced hysteria. He can cum just like this. Atsumu hasn’t even touched his dick but Shouyou is so close he can hardly think straight. 

“‘Tsumu. _‘Tsumu_ , I— I'm gonna—” 

Atsumu stops grinds into him, not pulling out. He leans down and kisses Shouyou so hard, he feels lightheaded. His arms once again find their way around Atsumu’s neck and his legs slip off Atsumu’s shoulders. 

Pulling away, Atsumu growls. “Come on. Cum for me sunshine.” 

That does it for Shouyou. He cums, untouched. Back arching and a scream ripping its way along his throat. His body spasms and he tears at Atsumu’s back. White paints itself across his chest, shooting so far up it hits his chin. Atsumu continues to rock against him, the overstimulation only making Shouyou cry out more. He thrusts a handful more times before stilling. 

Atsumu cums with a mantra of Shouyou’s name. “ _Ah_ , Shouyou. Shouyou. _Shouyou_.” 

Shouyou squeezes around him, milking him for every last drop. Atsumu shudders and groans before dropping on the bed beside Shouyou. He takes a few deep breaths before rolling off the condom, tying and throwing it in the general direction of the trash can. 

Rolling over to Shouyou, Atsumu leaves a soft kiss on his forehead before getting up. “I’m gonna bring somethin’ to clean ya up, okay?” Still too blissed-out, Shouyou mumbles an incoherent affirmation. He catches Atsumu’s small smile before he disappears into the bathroom, re-emerging seconds later with a damp washcloth. Atsumu cleans him off so gently Shouyou all but melts under the ministrations. Not knowing when he closed his eyes, he blinks them open with surprising difficulty once Atsumu is back under the covers, throwing an arm over Shouyou’s waist. 

“Okay?” 

Shouyou smiles and rests his forehead against Atsumu’s. There’s no way he’ll ever be able to let Atsumu know how much more than _‘okay’_ it was. 

“Amazing.” 

He says, letting his eyes drift close with contentment. Atsumu brushes a barely-there kiss against his lips. 

“I love ya.” Atsumu whispers. 

God, he’ll never get tired of hearing that. 

“I love you more,” Shouyou whispers back. 

Just before sleep takes hold of him, he feels Atsumu pull him closer, pressing his next words into Shouyou’s forehead. 

“Not possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that's part 1 :)
> 
> I have a solid idea for a chapter 2, it'll go something like this:  
> \- Atsumu pov  
> \- the morning after  
> \- more sex because we're all sinners  
> \- national team's reaction when they resume practice  
> \- maybe a little more kagehina  
> \- generally tying up loose ends
> 
> I have other projects that I'm working on so hopefully i can get ch.2 out soon. 
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading. constructive criticism is welcome, your feedback always helps. 
> 
> my twitter: [almnd_mlk](https://mobile.twitter.com/almnd_mlk)
> 
> message me and let's be friends :)
> 
> kay, bye.


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